Not Just Fools Fall In Love
by bezoar10
Summary: Dear Diary, I am so confused. I thought I loved Sai, but the more I think about the stuff he does to me, the more I miss Sasuke. Then there was the whole thing with Sakura. I just don't know what to do... yaoi Narusai, Narusaku, SasuNaru
1. Chapter 1

_Learning to feel emotions by himself seems to get harder by the passing day. He reacts on impulse or what ever Sakura tells him to do. He continues to ask me if I have a penis and it's starting to piss me off. I'm starting to wonder if he even has one. I don't know Sai's background and I really don't want to. Maybe he has aspergers? Well anyway, he doesn't understand when people are annoyed. It's like he doesn't understand how other people are feeling, either that or he doesn't care how people might react to what he says._

_We've been in the woods for sometime now. I think it's because Tsunade is trying to hide me from Akatsuki, but although I am not willing to say it out loud, I know they'll find us. I'm not going to doubt our team, I mean I've never seen Yamato fight before, but he must be good if Tsunade picked him. I can only hope that Sai is a skilled fighter, I've faced him briefly before when he got on my nerves and I kicked the shit out of him, but he does put up a good fight._

_I hate to admit it, but in some way, he reminds me of Sasuke. They both have horrible social skills. Yesterday he told us that he is much better than people like Sasuke, and I'm starting to believe him. Although most of the time I want to put him in a headlock and punch him until I break his nose, other times I find Sai…quite attractive. _

"Naruto! What are you writing?!" Sakura must have snuck up on me, but I jumped when she screamed my name in my ear.

"N-nothing, er…Go away." I closed my diary and tried to put it away. Sakura tore it out of my hands and opened it. "Sakura, give it back, it's not funny!" I tried to rip it out of her hands, but damn she's fast.

Sakura cleared her throat, trying to get Sai's attention, but to no one's surprise he didn't turn. "Hey Sai, Naruto's been writing about you!" That got his attention. He stood and walked over to Sakura. She offered the diary to him.

"He must be a girl if he has a diary." Sai said as he smiled. He took the book out of Sakura's hands and began to read out loud. I jumped up and acting on impulse I punched Sai on the side of his face. "You even hit like a girl." That same stupid smile. Why did I write that I find him attractive? I mean I won't lie, he is some serious eye candy, but why did I write that? I know that Sakura's been reading my diary. Maybe I secretly hoped that she would read it and tell Sai…so why do I care so much?

"You know what? You can read it, I don't care. All it says is that I think you're hot." I said as I leaned against a tree. My arms were crossed and I looked up the stars, stealing glances at Sai. His smile was ripped from his face and was replaced with a look of pure shock. So he could feel something after all. He shook his head and the smile returned.

"I knew it; you really don't have a dick."

"You really are thick." Sakura rolled her eyes, "Sai, he likes you. He's a male and so are you…I hope…that means he's queer."

"Yes, you are strange."

"No…He's ga…I mean Homosexual."

"I am not. Just because I find another male attractive doesn't mean I can't like girls." I defended.

"Oh, so you're bisexual?" Sai laughed.

I didn't know what to say at that. Maybe I was gay. I mean I've never really liked a girl before…other than Sakura, but she's not really that girly. "Whatever, I'm going to sleep." I rolled my eyes and ducked into the tent that I shared with Sai. I knew that when he finally did retire, he would stay up the whole night laughing and cracking jokes about me. I striped down to my boxers, rolled over in my sleeping bag, and fell asleep in seconds.

When Sai entered the tent I woke up, but didn't move, I just waited for him to say something. I felt him lie down next to me and heard him unzip something. Coldness swept over my back and I realized he opened my sleeping bag. Instinct took over me and I shifted over to make room for him. He didn't seem to notice. I felt his body against my own, his stomach felt good against my back.

"Naruto?" He whispered in my ear.

"Hmm?"

"I think I'm homosexual too." All I felt was his cold hands slip into my boxers. My eyes widened. "So you do have a penis after all." I knew he was smiling as he gripped my erection in his hands.

I let a moan slip passed my lips. His hands were freezing; it was like taking a cold shower during winter. Or jumping in the snow naked, which I had done only once when I was drunk. "Sai" I moaned.

He pulled his hands out of my boxers, "Hmm?" I rolled over and looked at him, his paleness shining through the darkness. Half of his face was hidden in my black pillow, the contrast was truly amazing. My hand touched his face and I smiled.

I felt his lips press against mine. He rolled on top of me and pinned me down. I wasn't objecting, so it must have been to hold himself up. Well anyway, one hand was on the left side of my head and the other on the right side of my face. His knees were pinning me on either side of my hips. His black boxers were pressing against my orange ones.

He parted my lips gently with his tongue and began to kiss me. As a teenager, I do really hate to admit this, but that was my first kiss.

"Does this feel good for you too?" He asked lingering over my face.

"Yes." I found myself smiling at Sai.

"I think I love you." He said with a furrowed brow. My smile vanished. I couldn't answer him because in truth I don't think I did in fact love him. "You're silence is confusing me."

"I'm confusing myself." Then it dawned on me, "I love you too."


	2. Chapter 2

_Sai and I have not spoken in three days. Sometimes I catch him looking at me, but it bothers me how he hasn't said a word. Whenever I try to start a conversation with him he ignores me completely. I wonder if that brief night we shared was enough to make him hate me. _

_Was my long silence enough to change his mind? I don't know what to think anymore, I don't know what to feel._

* * *

I stopped writing and looked up. Sai was sitting with his back facing me. He was drawing. Curiosity overtook me and I found myself walking over to him. I looked over his shoulder. 

He must have felt my presence because before I could look he pressed his sketch book against his chest. He didn't look over to me when he spoke, "Leave." One word. One word was all it took to sting me like one thousand angry bees. I looked at Sai, hoping to see some emotion in his eyes, but he still refused to look at me.

Something came over me and I tackled Sai.

"Get off!" He pushed.

"Make me." I whispered. I sat cross legged on his stomach preventing him from moving. He threw a punch at me. I held his fist, "Are you done yet?"

"What do you want?" Sai pouted.

"Why are you ignoring me?" I asked.

"Get off!" He struggled under me. I pushed his fist back so it came close to his wrist.

"I repeat, make me." I leaned closer. He turned his face to the side and gave up. I waited for him to talk and dropped his clenched fist. His hand fell to his chest and he looked up at me with hopeful eyes.

He reached up and grabbed my collar. Sai pulled me to him and kissed me. I uncrossed my legs and put my knees on both sides of his exposed stomach. I held myself up with my left arm while my other was preoccupied by Sai.

"I'm sorry." I breathed, "For whatever I did."

Sai looked down, "It wasn't your fault. It's mine."

"What is it?" I touched his face gently. "It's okay, you can tell me."

"I love you." He whispered.

"I love you too."

"No, that's the problem! I can't love you, I can't get attached…To anyone." He let go of my collar, only when he was sure I wouldn't leave him.

"It's okay, you're human. Humans are always a mess of emotions. I mean, just look at Sakura, she's always like that. It's even worse when she's menstruating."

Sai laughed and plastered a smile on his face. A real one this time. When this smile stretched across his pale face, I found myself smiling too. I closed my eyes as I smiled, something I had done sence I was a kid. Well, when I was a kid, my eyes were almost always closed.

I felt Sai's lips pressing hard against mine, his snowy hand pulling my head to his. I felt his tongue in my mouth. His kiss captured me, seducing me to the point where I began to take off my coat.

"Jesus, get a fucking room!" Sakura's mouth hung open, with either disgust or joy, I didn't know. I took my coat and threw it at her. It hit her face and she let it fell into her arms, "You're not getting this back!" She stormed off still holding my orange coat in her clenched fist.

I laughed and turned to Sai, "We really should think about relocating."

"Why, I don't care who sees. Plus, no one can see us if we're behind a tree." Sai gripped my arms and rolled on top of me.

"That was convenient." I said. "But, there's a problem with your plan."

"What would that be?"

"You're on top."

He leaned forward and whispered, "You're going to pay for that." His voice sent shivers all throughout my body. He saw the goose flesh and smirked. He slid his hand into my waist band. He stopped and looked at my shocked face, "Beg me."

"No way, that's queer." I laughed, was he fucking kidding? He lowered his face and bit my neck. He licked the skin in his mouth, flickering his tongue over and around it. "Sai." I moaned without thinking. He sunk his teeth into my skin. Biting down harder. I felt my erection growing, so could he. I felt his mouth twist into a grin.

He removed his teeth and moved to my ear, he whispered, "Beg me."

He must have been kidding. I didn't respond, but he reacted to my silence. He lifted my shirt and brought it gracefully over my head. He moved down and bit down on my nipple. "Let go, that hurts!" But it strangely felt good at the same time.

"You know how I can tell you're lying?" Sai smiled and reached in my pants, he gripped my erection. His cold hands made my teeth chatter.

"Sai, I'm begging you." I began, "Please." I moaned.

"Please? Please what?" He whispered.

"Touch me." I was embarrassed to say this. Begging for sex? That is so queer. He smiled and stroked my length. His gloved hand stuttered across my skin. This whole situation was reminding me of that S&M shit. Was Sai into that? What am I getting into?!

* * *

sorry for the delay!

My thoughts have been circulating around the question: Can you fall in love with a dream? I'd love to hear your thoughts or stories!

Happy Christmas snitches


	3. Chapter 3

S&M means Sadism and Masochism. It's like whips and chains and torture. Sorry, . I just thought everyone knew. My bad!

Also, I HATE dream sequences, so Naruto is NOT having one…EVER!

_

* * *

Sai has S&M written all over him. I never really noticed it before, but the way his stomach shows and the way his pants always hang low on his waist. It was kinky. At first I thought it was cute, but now I see it as a way to flaunt his sexual preference. Pale kids are always into that shit. _

I had nothing else to write. I was frustrated with his constant innuendos and touching me whenever Sakura or Yamato turned around. Speaking of Sakura, she still hasn't given me back my jacket. Last time I asked it went a little like this:

"Come on Sakura, give it back!" I pleaded.

"No, not until you stop being so gay." She smiled, "I don't care what you two do in your tent, but come on, have some decency."

"Sakura, give it, I'll do anything, please?!"

She blushed and shook her head. I don't even want to think about what she had in mind. She still hasn't told me. But as of now, I am jacketless.

I sat there, in my…well our tent. I sat on my sleeping bag with one of Sai's blankets covering my crossed legs. I sighed and pulled out my Ipod from my pants that were thrown to the other side of the tent. The sound of Sublime filled my ears. I fell back in my sleeping bag and closed my eyes, lingering between dream and reality.

I woke up to the sound of a zipper. I guess my Ipod must have died or else I wouldn't have heard it. I looked up to see a figure kneeling over me; my eyes still hadn't adjusted to the light so I couldn't see who it was.

"Sai?" I asked. I rubbed my eyes and opened them. It wasn't Sai.

"Naruto, I know what I want." She said. She put one hand on the other side of me and leaned over my body. I pushed her away.

"Sakura, get out. You can keep my god damn jacket if that's what you're looking for."

"Oh please?" She begged in a moan. She tugged at the blanket that covered my naked body. I grabbed her wrist to stop her. She parted her lips in the slightest way, I didn't notice before, but she was wearing makeup. Had she always worn it? I shook my head, clearing my thoughts.

"Sakura, get out." I repeated. I dropped her wrist and expected her to leave. She didn't leave, "Sakura, stop being so stubborn! Get the fuck out of my tent."

She glared and left. When she left, almost seconds later Sai came in. "What was all that about?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Just Sakura." I sighed. "Do you know how long I've been sleeping?" I fell back in my sleeping bag and looked at the top of the tent. I could see the light through it, interrupted by the leaves that had fallen on it.

"About two hours." He smiled, "I came to check on you earlier, and I covered you in the blanket."

"Oh!" I sat up and blushed, "Sorry, it must have fallen off." He laughed at this, which made me blush even more. He lied down next to me.

"Can I show you something?" He asked without turning to look at me. I waited. Sai reached over me and went in his bag. He withdrew a sketch book and flipped to a page. "This is what I was drawing that day."

It was me, I was sleeping, curled up in a ball, there was a shadow hovering above me. "It's nothing special. Not like your other drawings."

"Nothing special? You mean like your dick?" He smiled. Not a real one. Anger filled me and I reached above my head and grabbed my pants. I pulled them on and left without a word.

I entered Sakura's tent where she was reading a red book with golden print, the letters where worn out and impossible to read. She looked up. "What is it?" Sakura cleared her throat. I didn't say anything. I sat down next to her and unzipped her shirt. The zipper went down and then shifted to the side. She didn't protest when I went on to unclasp her pink bra.

"What made you change your mind?" She whispered. I silenced her with a kiss and pushed her back gently, protecting her head on the way down. She slid off her spandex and her pink skirt. I placed a hand on one side of her to hold myself up and forced my other hand on her breast.

She went on and unbuttoned my pants. She slid them down to my knees and I took my hand away from her breast and pulled off my pants completely. It was easier than I had expected to get up. I didn't have to imagine someone else at all. I thrust into her. It was warm inside of her, the warmth made me smirk. I pressed harder on her breast and thrust into her..

"Stop it, Naruto. It's too big!" She shouted. Ha, take that Sai! I thrust again. "No, please no!" She moaned and gripped her sleeping bag. "It hurts, Stop!" tears streaked down her face.

I thrusted again and I came into her. A look of shock crossed her face and I pulled out. She panted and with each breath her chest raised and sunk. I returned to my kneeling position and grabbed her leg. I raised it over my shoulder. My indexed finger and my middle finger eased inside of her. I drug into the smooth walls. She moaned deep and long.

"Don't stop, please!" She panted.

I stopped and pulled out, "First its stop and its go. Make up your mind." She blushed and smiled briefly. "So what is it? Stop or go?"

"Don't stop." She pleaded. I lowered her leg and moved forward. "What are you doing?" She asked. I moved forward again. I pushed her down and she got the idea. Her tongue danced around my erection. I moaned as I felt it touch the back of her throat. No gag reflex?

"Sakura, I'm going to come." She didn't stop. "It's your fault," I said when it leaked out the corners of her mouth. She tried to pull away, but I stopped her, "Swallow it."

The corners of her mouth quivered. She reached out and grabbed my jacket and dropped it on me

* * *

Don't worry, I'm going back to NaruSai after this chapter : 


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own Naruto.

Please comment!

Sorry about the huge gap in updating. I'm trying to finish up a lot of my other stories and this one just kind of got lost. Well anyway, please enjoy this!!

* * *

Chapter four:

heal my broken heart

_Sakura said she'd keep it a secret as long as I did, but when ever I look at her I am filled with disgust. I hate my self for what I did and I am one hundred percent sure I do not like women any more. I'm not sure where I stand with Sai and although part of me likes it when he hurts me, the other part is appalled. I don't know what to say to him without hurting his feelings...if he has any, that and the sex is way to great to give up._

I've taken to hiding my dairy in a hollowed out tree trunk, that way, Sakura can't find it and I don't have to worry about Sai finding it either. I sigh and as I stretch it turns into a yawn. When I open my eyes I see Sai is approaching me. His quick and quiet footsteps threw me off guard and I almost fell over. He smiles and sits down beside me. "Why are you out here all alone?" He is watching me to see if my facial expression will change, when it doesn't he turns and looks to the trees.

"I just needed to think about some stuff." I unfold me knees and lie them out straight in front of me and shift my weight onto the palms of my hands that are stretched out behind me.

"Well I hope what ever you were thinking about is resolved now." Sai does that disturbing smile and sits on top of me. He kisses me and pushes me down. "We've never done it in the dirt before." Sai is quick to remove my pants.

"Stop." He doesn't. "Sai, I can't do this right now." He isn't even listening to me. I'm feeding into his sick and twisted fantasies about me trying to get away. This is where things turn sour. He pulls out a pair of hand cuffs. I feel the cold metal as he clicks the cuffs shut around my hands. I am cuffed to a tree in the middle of no where. Sai has complete control and he's just the type of person that would leave me here if I were to piss him off.

I feel exposed. I hate this and even though I am enjoying the sex part I hate everything else. I see the gooseflesh appear on my stomach and my arms. Sai notices too and he smiles. His tounge licks the tip of my cock and his gloved hand is stroaking it. Now he's asking for it. Suddenly it comes to me...well more than one thing "comes" but I meant that I got an Idea.

"Sai." I pant, "This isn't fair."

"I know." He smiles, but does not look up.

"That's not what I meant. I meant that you should be enjoying this too." This got his attention. He drops his grip and slowly assends up my body. He rests his chin on my sternum and waits for me to say something more. "I mean, you can't be having much fun if I'm the one that always gets tied up."

"You're right, it isn't fair. Maybe you should just try harder to catch me off gaurd." Sai smirks and draws swirls on my lower stomach with his exposed finger.

It dawns on me then, that no matter what, I won't get my way. Although my body is telling me different, my mind is telling me to hate him. But do I? He might be strange, but could I really hate this person? This man who wants to give me pleasure every time we lock eyes, could I really be so heartless as to hate him for that?

I frown, feeling confused. "Whats wrong Naruto?" Sai asks.

"It's just that..." I remember the handcuffs, "It's no big deal, it can wait." Sai smiles.

"That's good." Sai bites my nipple, playfully. When I don't react he bites harder. I try hard to stifle a yelp. I can feel Sai's smirk against my chest when he hears me. The bastard is enjoying this! What a fruit basket...

He lowers himself and once again sucks on the head of my penis. I close my eyes and try to pretend it's someone else. The only person that comes to mind is Sasuke. I smirk, I has almost forgotten how much I missed him. I remember him so clearly, most of all the way he captured me when ever he kissed me.


End file.
